Monday, January 21, 2008

The wildlife of The Life Aquatic

The Life Aquatic, a brilliant film staring Bill Murray, features fictional wildlife with names and unusual features that convincingly mirror the real weirdness of ocean life.

  • Flourescent Snapper, usually appearing with Jaguar Shark
  • Jaguar Shark, Shark like fish, 10 meters in length, unfamiliar dorsal features, spots all over it, capable of eating a man with some chewing.
  • Albino Dolphins, trained dolpins that are supposedly very intelligent.
  • Crayon Ponyfish, a seahorse like creature with horizontal stripes in crayon colours
  • Electric Jellyfish, come ashore with a rubber tide, volley balls sized jellyfish that glow and pulsate luminously when left by the tide, and possibly extremely dangerous
  • Vietcong man-of-war, easily confused with Electric Jellyfish, possibly extremely dangerous
  • Snow mongoose, thought to be extinct white mongoose creature that lives on or near the ice
  • Jack-whales, whales whose songs can be heard above water
  • Sugar Crabs, small white crabs with coloured stripes that dont normally mate until after the solstice
  • Porcupine Fish, appears near the sunken airplane
  • Rhinestone Bluefin, a kind of fish that Steve used to bait the Jaguar Shark
  • Hummingbird Fish, seen from the sub while hunting the Jaguar Shark
  • Kentucky Zissou Fly/Gnat, a bug from Kentucky named by Ned but reidentified by Eleanor as a Gnat

Thursday, January 17, 2008

2008 OSI Network Fairness Model

In the interest of maintaining fair internetworking for all, here is a new layered networking model for the next generation tubes implementation, which ensures that those who actually own all the content you have been stealing are fairly compensated, and those with a bad attitude about that are smartened up.

The OSI Network Fairness Model [2008]
Data unit Layer Function
Data 7. Application Network process to application
6. Presentation Data representation and encryption
5. Session Interhost communication
Segment 4. Transport End-to-end connections and reliability (TCP)
Meaning, Gist, Intellectual Content 3a. Clone Redirect Clone and redirect to any requesting enforcement agency or paying commercial service (police, intelligence services, credit reporting agency, telemarketing companies etc.)
3b. Delay, Drop, Mangle Delay, Drop or Mangle packets of competing services, especially but not limited to untariffed VOIP, online advertising and vindaloo take away
3c. Automated Copyright Management Detect any electronic use and directly debit semi-random users savings account
3d. Automated Litigation Commencement File suit with over reaching damage claims based on faulty evidence in wrong jurisdictions against minors, the dead, pets and people who don't know how to use computers.
3e. Attitude Adjustment Trigger one or more of the above filters if user's attitude is not favourable
Packet/Datagram 3. Network Path determination and logical addressing (IP)
Frame 2. Data link Physical addressing (MAC & LLC)
Bit 1. Physical Media, signal and binary transmission

Thanks to Wikipedia for OSI Model